Its the most wonderful time of the year... almost

Christmas is my absolute favourite. I love the music, the lights, the food, you name it, I love it all. But as December creeps around, every year I get a sinking feeling in my stomach and this year it's exacerbated.

Not to ruin the festive season but the last couple of weeks have been, for want of a better phrase, a bit shit. Three years ago this December my Grandad passed away and this year it hit harder because his beloved dog that he shared with my grandma, died.

To say this felt like a kick in the teeth is an understatement. I miss my Grandad every day, I adored him and it still feels surreal to me that I'll never be able to hug him again. So when Christmas rolls around every year my heart aches at the fact our family isn't complete anymore.

Grief is a funny thing, you can go months without a hint of sadness and then a song comes on the radio or you smell something familiar and it hits you like a truck. I wish I could say that I'm glad they are both in a better place but selfishly I don't always feel like that.

Christmas is one of the hardest time to miss someone because you notice their absence the most, so tomorrow I know I will feel a little sad. Sad at another year without my Paps and even more sad at the absence of his little dog Amos, but I don't think that sadness is a bad thing.

While Christmas is for celebration and laughter, it wouldn't feel right to not spare a moment to remember those we have lost. After all, the Christmases before wouldn't have been the same without them.

So tomorrow I will be raising a glass to my grandad Paps and his little boy Amos and I hope that they will be sat together looking down doing the same back. I will be even more grateful than usual for my family around the table that I am still able celebrate my favourite day with.

Merry Christmas everyone.